Let's do and say we didn't.

Sweetheart, we're here for you. I hope you're working to get the help you need. It scares me how alike we are.

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:08:07 -0400

I am. Thank you so much. And remember, I always here if you want to talk.

I came home early because I was so depressed it scared my nana and she didn’t know what to do...

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:04:11 -0400

I came home early because I was so depressed it scared my nana and she didn’t know what to do with me so she sent me home.

I got really high this afternoon. I also cut.

I think I want to destroy myself in every way possible.

I feel like I need help so I called my psychiatrist but I can’t see him for 8 days and I think I want to die so that’s not good.

I might go to the ER tonight or tomorrow. I just don’t want to deal with my parents.

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Mon, 20 May 2013 20:57:40 -0400

my friend: you’re beautiful like a train track me: …?

Mon, 20 May 2013 16:42:27 -0400

my friend: you’re beautiful like a train track

me: …?

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Mon, 20 May 2013 14:22:25 -0400

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Mon, 20 May 2013 02:04:29 -0400

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Mon, 20 May 2013 00:41:50 -0400

c0nquietus: Does it ever just hit you how lonely you really are?

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:41:45 -0400

c0nquietus:

Does it ever just hit you how lonely you really are?

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Sun, 19 May 2013 21:50:03 -0400

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Sun, 19 May 2013 21:49:58 -0400

youwishangelfish: Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:49:46 -0400

youwishangelfish:

Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.

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Sun, 19 May 2013 21:49:35 -0400

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Sun, 19 May 2013 21:30:08 -0400

I’m calling DSS tomorrow to start the process to get my birth medical records and (hopefuly) a...

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:29:41 -0400

I’m calling DSS tomorrow to start the process to get my birth medical records and (hopefuly) a copy of my original birth certificate.

I’ve been debating doing this for the last two years, but now that my nana let it slip that I have a brother, I can’t keep putting it off. I have to find him.

My nana said my birth mom was 22, a drug addict, and that my brother ended up in foster care. He’s two years older than me, so he’d be 22 himself now, and out of the system.

I can’t believe all this is happening. And that I have to keep it from my parents.

I’m kind of freaking out.

I have a brother. An actual biological older brother. My parents don’t want me to know...

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:38:21 -0400

I have a brother.

An actual biological older brother.

My parents don’t want me to know about him.

I’m twenty years old and I just found out I have a brother.

I want to find him and maybe meet him.

"Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for..."

Sun, 19 May 2013 00:48:18 -0400

“Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present at all.”

- Evelyn Waugh (via hellanne)

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Sun, 19 May 2013 00:48:05 -0400

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Sun, 19 May 2013 00:47:54 -0400

I thought I might actually sleep tonight, considering how I’ve only slept 6 hours in the last...

Sun, 19 May 2013 00:43:28 -0400

I thought I might actually sleep tonight, considering how I’ve only slept 6 hours in the last 3 days.

Hahaha nope.

Depersonalization & my old self-destructive habits.

Sat, 18 May 2013 22:58:42 -0400

TW: Depression, self-harm, depersonalization

I feel like nothing around me is real. I’m so detached. I sat and smiled and nodded and held up my end of the conversation all day, but I have no idea what anyone said to me. I felt like I was watching a really boring movie. I don’t feel real.

Everything triggered me today. I got home and had to force myself to sit in my nana’s room and read because I knew if I went into my room and shut the door, I was going to hurt myself somehow.

I ended up doing it anyway. First time in four months. Mistake number one billion.

I asked my parents about me staying here for the summer, and they said no. Right now, I feel like I’d rather die than go back there. My parents are so angry at me. My sister’s going to tell them what happened, and they’re going to be even more angry. And I’m angry at me too, so there’s no reason for them to be.

I just feel like I’m going crazy and everything’s out of control and all I can do is sit and watch my nice, productive life go up in flames. I want a break from being stuck with myself.

I had been doing so good for so long and then I had to be stupid and mess everything up and end up messed up again.

So much for recovering. :/